Are you f****** kidding me?

We have all been there. A situation unfolds, perhaps with a relationship, or a friendship, or a work scenario, and as we turn we think or whisper ‘are you f****** kidding me?’
So many times I think this sentiment and typically it is a direct result of someones poor judgment or behavior. What causes others to be so crass? So selfish? So DRAMATIC? Bleck!
So for the record, this goes to all those who can identify with frustration and will sing loudly along with me (and the talented Kate Miller-Heidke)….

“Are you FUCKING kidding me???”


Recovery is more than 12 steps

The magic is in the music. It can take me to foreign lands, buried memories, long lost feelings, and past touches. It has the ability to change your mood or to lull you into sleep. The one thing music cannot do is physically lay next to me – I hate sleeping alone. More than sleeping alone I miss being touched; a touch that says ‘I’ve missed you’ or ‘you are a dear friend’ or ‘I don’t want to ever let you go’. Any touch, really. I go months without any type of contact other than a hand shake or a bump on a busy street. Here is the music that has been in my head.

Well your eyes are weary and your face is long.
And so is the road you’ve been traveling on.
that You’ve been running wild on

But I want to know just what makes you go, why you choose to love him so
and when the rain comes pouring, your heavy heart is beating strong

Well your faith it is fragile and your tears are all gone
Cause you cry like somebody’s been loving you all wrong
You’ve slept with lions and you weathered the storm

But I want to know is what makes you go,
Why you choose to love him so…
When the rain comes pouring off your heavy heart is beating strong…

What a waste, you love him.
Is it the cold in his touch?
Your heart must be tired.
Cause you’ve been crying too much.

Life feels cruel these days. Not fun but exhausting. I long and very much love a simple kind of life. Simple happiness, simple smiles, simple food, and simple love. How come this complex and increasingly dark world is fogging my ability to find a simple kind of man? A simple kind of friend?
I really love this song above. My heart IS tired. There is not a more simple way to explain it. I have had love… tainted love though. The sort of love that rips your insides open and pours salt in the gushing center… and eventually all of your insides shrivel and die. As your heart tries to pump the gritty slush of blood and tears mixed with ash from fond memories ruined your body falls to the ground. I have decided the only solution is to keep moving your feet. One foot infront of the other. When that fails, drag yourself around. Left, Right, Left… Right. Left, Right.  Our only choice is to keep moving and to hope that our  bodies recover.
Does anybody know how to recover without rebound? Without self deprecating painful relationship? DoI just wait?  I’m a fighter. I feel like waiting is not an option. If I want happiness don’t I only have the option of going after it fighting, screaming, and ripping my way though the pain? How do I do that when the pain immobilizes me?

My heart is tired cause I’ve been crying too much. Except sometimes my soul cries instead – my eyes have given up on tears. My soul is weeping for a connection. To Connect. So Simple.


The world is all gates, all opportunities, strings of tension waiting to be struck. – Ralph Waldo Emerson.

I am not rocks in the river…

Nuevos discos de la semana

I wanted to share that Ryan adams has a new disc out – and as it would appear, a fellow poster, sentid0c0mun has already created a post on the new cds of this week.

If you look at it (even if you don’t know spanish), he lists all of the newest cds this week. Bjork, RYAN ADAMS, a bootleg Johnny Cash… the list is long.

Needing some new music? I HIGHLY recommend Ryan’s new cd Ashes & Fire… but also, check out the others on the list.

Musical exploration is only a click away. (Need a good way to listen to full tracks without purchasing? Check out You can subscribe as a free subscriber and listen to full length tracks of a large selection and if you don’t mind an ad or two, it’s a great service for hearing a specific tune that is plaguing you.


ASHES & FIRE… brilliant. Thank you Ryan, that was one hell of a dry spell!


It was nice that there wasn’t anything getting in the way of the music. Ryan Adams, on his European tour

“I am not rocks
I am not rain
I’m just another shadow in the stream
That’s been washed away after all these years
I am not rocks in the river
I am bursting in tears for it
And the day is dawning”

Lace and Lyrics

I have been noticing that music is a driving force in my life. Not a moment goes by when I am not listening to music, thinking of lyrics, humming a tune, or spouting out lyrics as I go throughout my day. I stumbled upon this website blog today and found it to be such a good idea. What if I were to frame my most treasured lyrics and help my room become a physical version of my day to day musical extravaganza.

So thankful someone else helped me think of this!









“… Just as Jesus created wine from water, we humans are capable on transmuting emotion into music…” Carlos Santana

Neat and Tidy

You know, have always loved to clean things. Nothing feels better than pouring yourself into an afternoon of thorough cleaning. Sometimes, however, I wonder if I am too cleanly.

Well thanks to this article, I now know why I wash my shower curtain and do the weird things I do.|hco|healthrooms|auto|#337436

Whew. It looks like I have a busy weekend ahead of me. Laundry, cleaning… Party On.


I have sporadic OCD cleaning moments around the house. But then I get lazy and I’m cured. It’s a very inconsistent personality trait. ~ Chris Hemsworth