Rain Cloud Rain Cloud, please stay.

Today I am oddly aware and tranquil. I hear each tick-tick-tick of the clock to my left and see the drop-drop-drop of the rain dripping from the window above the door in the office next to mine. Gem club plays in my head. Soft piano and a whispering smooth voice lulls me into sinking away from stress and melting into how little things make wonderful our day to day ritual.

It is this very sort of day that I would share with a best friend. The very friend I have in mind, however, is in the Congo. There really is no replacement for a lifelong best friend. Someone who will tell you what they think, whether it embrace and support you or smack you in the face with honesty. Too few people in the world now have this particular talent. I like to think that in everything I do I strive to say things in the most uncomplicated and honest way I can identify.

There it goes again – my soul aching.

This is another constant that I feel. Like the drops of rain or the ticks of the clock, my soul constantly whispers

‘something’s missing… something’s missing’.

I think it echoes on days like this…

Patience. Patience. Just live, learn to be with yourself and love being with your thoughts;  Continue to treat people well and something will be found eventually just as you are ready.

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Patience with others is Love, Patience with self is Hope, Patience with God is Faith. ~ Adel Bestavros

Hope is patiently waiting expectantly for the intangible to become reality. ~ Avery D. Miller

Searching for Clarity

There is a lot inside of me.

There is no way to begin.

No words.

Yo Soy Sin Palabras.

How does one feel so obsolete?

New Years, New Tears – can it be true?

I want to fight it.

Where do I start

*pending….*

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Clarity of mind means clarity of passion, too; this is why a great and clear mind loves ardently and sees distinctly what he loves – Blaise Pascal

 

 

Nothing New Year

Oh, our futures were written with crayons in coloring books
It was misspelled and outside the lines and we loved how it looked
Like the crooked hem of my favorite childhood dress
And the holes in your jeans from years of carelessness
I know since we’ve grown, we ache for those memories
Honestly, nothing’s even compared to you next to me, next to me

When the words came to you for the first time, you knew you were hooked
And the pride that you felt at the last page of your first book
And the bravery I forced when I sang to an audience of three
Well, it took a million wrong notes just to find a single melody and key
I know since we’ve grown we plea for clarity
Honestly, nothing’s ever made sense til you were next to me, next to me

If time is money, then I’ll spend it all for you
I will buy you flowers with the minutes we outgrew
I’ll turn hours into gardens, planted just for us to take
I’ll be reckless with my days, building castles in your name

Since we’ve grown, we long for concrete things
Honestly, nothing’s felt so sure than when you were next to me, next to me

So lets cut down the red tape and gather up the pieces of our youth
Cause there’s nothing in this world we can’t fix with some scissors and glue

Oh simple clarity, where did you go? Did you disappear or did I just cover you with snow? How much I wish that days were slow and that at night I could sleep. The days where nights were filled with dreams and future fantasies, a stark comparison to the sleepless nights and restless pondering. Happy new year. New tears. Maybe this year will host one true happy moment not soiled by deceit. I am not hopeful.

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I am seriously considering moving into this yurt. Such a great idea. Wilderness, solitude, my animals and the musings of mother nature. beautiful freedom.
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