The Goddess of Never Not Broken…

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2011/06/why-being-broken-in-a-pile-on-your-bedroom-floor-is-a-good-idea–julie-jc-peters/

 

Read this article if you find yourself in a pile of tears on the floor often…  because, when we’re all honest, it happens.

The article is about a hindu goddess, Akhilanda, who  derives her power from being broken: in flux, pulling herself apart, living in different, constant selves at the same time, from never becoming a whole that has limitations.

The thing about going through sudden or scary or sad transitions (like a breakup) is that one of the things you lose is your future: your expectations of what the story of your life so far was going to become. When you lose that partner or that job or that person, your future dissolves in front of you.

And of course, this is terrifying.

 

This sums up my days lately. Terriffied that I have not chosen the right paths and that the path to my future is now closed over and harder to find. Fingers crossed that Akhilanda can give me the strength to embrace broken and derive strength from this terrified pile of tears and turmoil.

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“Life ain’t easy, life ain’t fair, a girl’s gotta fight for her rightful share. What you gonna do now that the chips are down?

Help yourself, to hell with the rest. Even the ones that love you best.

Aim for the heart, shoot to kill, if you don’t do it then another one will.

What you gonna do that the chips are down, now that the chips are down.”

– When the Chips are Down Lyrics, Anais Mitchell

“when all you’ve got to keep is strong, move along”

As I attempt with every motivational muscle in my body to ‘get started’ on this thing called being a grown up, I find that I experience fatigue so quickly. In the physical body, muscle fatigue is quite common in those who vigorously exercise without proper conditioning. Could it be that I am so desperate to pursue my real dreams and adulthood that I am pursuing it too vigorously causing days where I am incapacitated?

I know what the next step in my future is at this point and the path to the goal needs a good weeding. It looks as though a tornado has driven the path into a labyrinth and now when I forge ahead I end up face to face with a hedge and must turn around.

Some say this is the nature of life. When you try to start a long and hopefully triumphant journey there are always surprises that show up like a deer dashing across the road.

My mission at this juncture is to apply. Take the knowledge of the goal and the road blocks and the hiccups of life, and apply fortitude and condition myself to be prepared for these things.

I am knowledgable, I am able. I am willing and thus I will perform.

Is there some sort of miracle food (i.e. bananas for a muscle sore athlete) that can help me through this? Ha.

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Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do. — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe