Rendezvous

Well, I am officially 100% without a doubt, axiomatically confused. It would seem that Mr. Duplicity is too.

Never the less, what does that leave me to do? Without much communication for nearly 5 months (it took a lot of willpower) I hear from him again and we go out to ‘catch up’. Historically within our relation of turbulence I’ve done the ‘patient’ person, I’ve played the ‘open-minded’ person, I’ve given unbiased advice, played hardball,  and I’ve come to the conclusion that patience was perhaps the best option… even if it translates into evaporation of friendship. After closing off my head and heart and limiting my thoughts of aforementioned person, he somehow ends up at my house on his knees stating over and over how sorry he is and then somehow…

Hands, hair, blankets, lips, pillows flying through the air, rolling over each other, tongues, hands on faces, glistening stomachs, buttons snapping, where’s my shirt……………………………………… who cares!

You get the point, right? So… friendship perhaps isn’t what he was hiding at all… maybe he’s crying “I don’t know how to say I L**E you… so I try to say nothing at all”. Either way, I am in a pickle.

_______

I just know that I did what felt right. Smiling back at him feels right, his hand on my face feels right. It may all be so stupid in the end… but I guess I’ll never admit to myself that I have aspirations to be a romantic. It is a risk to l_ _ e, to feel this way? What if it doesn’t work out… ah but what if it does.

Don’t be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better… Ralph Waldo Emerson
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